Every person has their own worldview, their own system of values ​​and expectations for themselves, their relationships, the future, etc. A value system encompasses deep beliefs and life values ​​that produce ways of thinking and behaving in a way that makes individuals feel unique.

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Aristotle argued that the most successful marriages are those based on deep and respectful friendship, which is why he advised that you first become friends with your potential spouse and then move on to the next step. That is, being able to say and discuss with your relationship everything you could say and discuss with your best friend.

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This ability, along with crisis management and problem solving, are very important skills for maintaining a long-term, quality relationship. Therefore, any therapeutic work aimed at couples should focus and work on friendship and not just conflict management.

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First of all, it is necessary for each member of the relationship to know well, the inner world of his/her partner, how well he/she knows each other. And because of course, people evolve and change, it is necessary to find time to discuss our experiences by asking questions about everyday life, not only about daily problems but also those that made our day pleasant and satisfying.

Knowing the name and history of his/her partner's favorite childhood dog may seem silly but it is nevertheless very important... as well as his/her favorite restaurant, the title of his/her favorite book, food, restaurant and so on...

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Another component of friendship is sharing your love and admiration for the other person, expressing it not only with acts of tenderness, such as touches and sweet teasing, but also verbally, because this way you strengthen the maintenance of the couple's connection (as long as it is done naturally and without exaggeration).

"Identifying" with the other person instead of distancing yourself from the small everyday things, as would happen between two good friends, is also particularly important.

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For example, in one research study, when one person noticed something nice and communicated it to their partner, such as when they saw an impressive house during a day trip, it was observed that in couples where there was a problem, the other person either ignored it or said something like "leave me alone" or "again you're trying to do whatever you want me to do."

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In contrast, in high-quality relationships, couples might simply say something like “Aah, that’s really nice” or even start a casual conversation about it together. At the same time, adopting a positive approach to small everyday things helps build a friendly relationship with your partner, helps make you feel comfortable with him/her, for example, you see her upset and think “she probably didn’t sleep well” or “something bad will happen to her work” instead of thinking “it’s her fault again” or “she’s going to blame me for something again”.

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Conflict management, again, is about skills... it has been proven that the first 3 minutes of a conversation about a problem can predict not only its successful or unsuccessful outcome but also the quality of the relationship after a few years. That is why skills on how to start a conversation about difficult issues that need to be discussed are of utmost importance. But in order to discuss them, you must first identify them.

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Research shows that in a percentage of around 70%, the problems between the couple that "expose" one of the two are persistent and are the 2-3 that come back to the fore again and again. Therefore, for their resolution, it is a necessary condition that they can discuss them openly without derailing the discussion and without the discussion always ending in a dead end.

Things become much easier if someone tries to see what is underneath each person's stance on specific issues they disagree on, to ask them, to listen to them and to validate them. And the other person should be able to express them, no matter how difficult it is to put them into words. Such an attitude is particularly beneficial in communicating the dreams of their lives, which each one has created for themselves and their relationship.

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In order for each partner's life dreams in a relationship to become a reality, they must be able to communicate them in an open, honest, and non-judgmental manner and then each must help the other realize their own dreams (thus giving a shared meaning to their life as a couple/marriage).

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All of the above are not innate gifts but skills that the couple can train within the framework of a cognitive-behavioral type of couples therapy.

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I live, therefore I think...I want, therefore I can... I think well, I can feel well!