Have you intentionally been late to an outing you didn't want to go to? Have you let an obligation slip by instead of saying "no"? Have you ostentatiously remained silent to get the message across? We've all done it. That's passive-aggressiveness.
It's the indirect way we express anger or displeasure — while ensuring that no one can openly accuse us. It's not a new phenomenon — it was first identified in American soldiers in '45. But today, with social media, remote work, and digital communication codes, it has taken on new, more sophisticated forms. Even an emoji can be a weapon. The classic smiley face? For Gen Z, it often means the exact opposite.
It starts with fear: of rejection by others and the loss of our autonomy. When we can’t say what we feel openly, we express it in other ways — with procrastination, silence, “everything’s fine” that means nothing. The problem is that when this pattern becomes widespread — at work, in relationships, everywhere — it creates extremely toxic environments. Research shows that British workers encounter passive-aggressive behavior an average of four times a week.
But if we treat passive aggression not as a disorder but as a lack of communication skills, then there is a way. Managing anger, expressing needs without violating others, tolerating discomfort — these are skills that are learned. And if you are talking to someone in this pattern: do not show anger, create space for them to talk, and listen without immediately judging. The passive aggressive person, usually, does not refuse to communicate — they are afraid to do so.